Renovating a House is An Adventure

        I was born in the sixties, am a child of the seventies, was a teenager all through the eighties. And that’s why I grew up with a palpable fear of quicksand. Gilligan’s Island, the Scooby Doo gang, and the Princess Bride film all made me believe that quicksand was something that I was going to be dealing with on a regular basis. However, as I write this chapter, to my surprise and relief, I can report that I’ve never had to shout for help or scramble frantically for a branch or stick to keep from sinking to my death in a remote soup of water and gritty muck.

         When you hear the word adventure, what comes to your mind? Maybe now, because of me, you’re thinking of quicksand, but would you otherwise picture pirates on the open sea or soldiers in the heat of battle? Maybe the mention of adventure makes you think about the runaway slaves in the Underground Railroad, or you may go right to thoughts of pioneers in the mountains, living off the land, hunting and fishing to survive?

I was born at Wayne Hospital in Greenville, Ohio, the biggest town in Darke County. Long before it was the county seat, it was Fort Greene Ville, named in honor of Nathanael Greene, General of the Southern Theater in the American Revolution. Our county was named for Revolutionary War General William Darke.

My family and I lived in a house on Wayne Avenue. The local hospital and our street were both named for General Anthony Wayne, nicknamed Mad Anthony because he was an infamous hot head. Meriwether Lewis and William Clark were under the command of Major General Mad Anthony at Fort Greene Ville before they reunited years later for their adventurous expedition with Pocahontas to the Pacific Northwest.

          Legendary sharpshooter Phoebe Ann Moses is from Brock, Ohio, a rural area just north of my hometown. She performed for world leaders and royal families as Annie Oakley, before retiring to Greenville at the end of her life.

          We left Wayne Avenue before I started kindergarten, moving to a small farm out in the country. I went to Washington Elementary, named of course for the most famous general of the American Revolution, President George Washington. Then, like all the other kids in the district I went to school in Greenville from sixth grade until I graduated from Greenville High School in 1986.

          The following year, the house of Lowell Thomas’ birth was relocated from the small hamlet of Woodington to the museum grounds in Greenville. Thomas is best known as an adventuring newsman and pioneering journalist for Movietone Newsreel and the Voice of America. He traveled the world to interview people like Lawrence of Arabia and a fourteen-year-old Dalia Lama in Tibet.

          Maybe my own awareness of adventure traces back to these formative years in Darke County, learning about our nation’s early militia or people like Lewis and Clark, Little Miss Sure Shot, and the world traveling Thomas.

I can tell you that when I’ve been on the other side of some rotten luck, my go to mantra has been, “Life is an adventure.” When I was driving alone in the mountains and my jeep died for no obvious reason, I tried to remain calm and remember, “Life’s an adventure.” While I was in a rain forest in Papua New Guinea, concerned about getting lost and being discovered by a native tribe of cannibals, I reminded myself that, “I was on an adventure.” And when I’m digging in to one of my gnarly project houses and have to deal with a slithering snake, a rogue contractor, or an inconsiderate Mother Nature, I go to my happy place and listen to my inner monologue as I circle back to this motto and remember that, like life, renovating a house is an adventure.

Keep in mind that each renovation is different. That’s what makes it interesting and exciting, yet it also adds to the challenge. I never know exactly what I’m going to find when I open up a wall or climb in the attic. I may discover something gross, but I might also reveal a valuable or cool trinket that ends up being the high point of my day. And that, my friends, is all part of the fun.

Most of my home renovation projects have been extreme; houses that have been condemned or abandoned. One way to look at these types of rehabs is to recognize that there’s nowhere to go but up when a house is in really deplorable condition. And the bigger the challenge, the larger the payoff, but also the more of an adventure it is.

My type of project is not for everyone. However, doing a simpler project that requires a little TLC, a fixer upper, or a handyman special are still going to provide plenty of daunting challenges, interesting strangers and new friends, as well as cool discoveries. I’m just saying that when you take on a really jacked-up house, you have to be ready for just about anything. And if you’re jumping on the pig’s ear bandwagon, buckle up and get ready for a wild ride.

Contrary to what some have said, I’m not a “gluten for punishment.” Though, I admittingly love a good adventure and building things. When you put those together, you end up with a career buying and fixing up houses that other people think need a date with a bulldozer and dump truck, fueled up and ready to head to the landfill.         

          This blog is not to scare or deter anyone from buying a home that needs work. On the contrary. I’m ready to try to educate folks on what I do and how I do it. I can’t help but get excited and encourage anyone either in the market or already into a home rehab project. I’d love to make a pledge that if you read Blood, Sweat, and Pig's Ears, you won’t make any mistakes, but that’s unrealistic. It’s important to keep in mind that missteps and pitfalls are just part of the experience.   

          If and when you renovate a house, you’re going to have to deal with someone who over charges you or tries to get too deep in your pocket. It happens so just be ready for it. Be alert and try hard not to get ripped off, but if you do, cut yourself a break and be determined to learn from it and avoid a reboot of the same mistake.

You should also be prepared to feel in over your head once in a while. The good news is, you can step back to cruise the information super highway and fill in the gap between what you know and what you need to understand better.

Be ready for a major hiccup in your schedule; a blown delivery, an out-of-stock item that puts you in a bind, or a contractor you really trusted who leaves you in the lurch. Having a contingency in the back of your mind is not planning to fail. Keeping a Plan B in your pocket at all times is prudent, and if that one falls through, the alphabet has twenty-four more letters.

Remember not to dwell on a failed inspection as if it’s a total failure. It’s just part of your education. Address the deficiencies without arguing too strenuously with the building official. You may pay the taxes, insurance, and utility bills, but when the inspector walks across your threshold, he or she is the top dog.

          I can promise you that you’ll be working on something and getting sweat and/or blood on the thing you’re focused on. Yes, in the name of Daniel Day Lewis, there will be blood and you may even have to take a trip to the emergency room. And while you’re sitting there, waiting for the doctor, remember to close your eyes and silently—or out loud, whichever fits the moment best—say to yourself, “Renovating a house is an adventure.”